Is my Fetish Normal?
Author: Casey Gueren
Via @Buzzfeed Life
Welcome to the new BuzzFeed Sex Q&A where you can ask us your awkward, confusing, gross, embarrassing, or thought-provoking questions, and we’ll provide answers from leading sexual health experts. Have a question about sex or sexual health? Send it to [email protected]
This week’s question:
I am unbelievably turned on by pregnant women. When my ex and I found out she was pregnant, not a moment passed that I didn’t feel the overwhelming urge to make love to her. I cannot explain this, and keep it to myself for fear of being scrutinized.
I first noticed my attraction to pregnant women several years ago. A woman I was seeing happened to be pregnant at the time. She was quite far along and I found her irresistible. The relationship did not last, and at the time I was not fully aware that her being pregnant was what drove me to want her on a constant basis. The feelings went dormant for several years until another woman came along and ended up pregnant with my child. Our sex life prior to the pregnancy was excellent, however, once we found out about the pregnancy the feelings of uncontrollable lust resurfaced.
I am still attracted to women that are not pregnant and the sex can be very satisfying. I do not believe this is having a negative effect on my daily life nor does it impede my ability to find a woman that is not pregnant incredibly attractive. However, any time I see a woman who is with child my hormones go berserk.
Why do I feel this way toward pregnant women and is it normal sexual behavior?
Hey Anonymous! Thanks for sending this along.
To help answer your question, we spoke with Neil Cannon, Ph.D., certified sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist. Here’s what he had to say:
Fetishes are common, generally pretty harmless, and nothing to feel ashamed of — seriously.
A fetish is a strong, intense sexual arousal to a body part, an object, or a situation, says Cannon. In your case: women who are pregnant. It’s just one more facet of someone’s sexuality, and, like all things sex-related, there’s tons of variability.
Some people fetishize nonsexual objects (like shoes), while others fetishize body parts that are pretty much always sexualized (like butts). And it’s not necessarily the case that someone with a fetish can’t be aroused by anything else, says Cannon. As you mentioned in your question, you’re still turned on by nonpregnant women, but you also know you have this extreme attraction to someone who’s expecting.
So why do you have this fetish?
The short answer: Who knows? It sounds like you think this started around the time you were dating a pregnant woman several years ago. Maybe you had some intense erotic experiences with this woman and it’s possible that may have turned this into a fetish for you, Cannon says. Or it’s possible that the fetish started before that, and that’s what drew you to her.
“Fetishes are really tricky, because people want to know why,” says Cannon. “Sometimes we can help people have some ideas of what it was for them, but there are so many variables in the makeup of someone’s sexuality, that to really know what caused this particular fetish is pretty hard.” If you’re set on figuring it out, working one-on-one with a sex therapist may help.
Here’s what experts do know about fetishes.
For some reason, fetishes are more common in men than in women, and they often start early, with most people recalling them starting in childhood. It might last a lifetime or it could wax and wane over time, says Cannon. Interestingly, fetishes that start early are more likely to persist throughout your life, while ones that start later might be less predictable (like lying dormant and reappearing as you described above).
As for whether or not it’s normal…
“Sex experts hate the word ‘normal.’ Normal doesn’t really matter,” says Cannon. “Everybody has different things that turn them on.” So you have an intensely strong sexual attraction to pregnant women — is that any more or less normal than a fetish for leather or feet? What’s important is how you feel about it (and, maybe in the future, how your partner feels about it).
One thing to keep in mind: If your fetish ever starts to negatively impact your life (sex life, relationships, family, job, etc.) or the way you view yourself, Cannon suggests seeing a therapist to get some help with that.
OK, so, logistically, this fetish might be hard to sustain in a long-term relationship. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be a part of your sex life.
Outside of switching partners every nine months or finding someone who loves having babies (and can physically have multiple healthy pregnancies), your options for acting on this fetish may be pretty limited in a long-term relationship. That said, there’s always pregnancy porn and erotica if you’re into that, says Cannon. And obviously you may not be looking for a long-term partner right now anyway.
Also, you might not really feel the need to fulfill your fetish all the time. From your question, it sounds like you’re able to have a satisfying sex life with nonpregnant women, though a bump can certainly up the ante. So if you are looking for a long-term monogamous relationship, this might just be one part of your sex life that you really enjoy when it’s possible (and hopefully both you and your partner want a big family).
Along those lines, don’t be afraid to talk about your fetish with future partners.Honestly, finding out that you REALLY appreciate a woman’s body when she’s bringing freaking LIFE into the world is…probably not going to be a deal breaker.
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